Storm Days (Daze)
I don’t think there is anything as violent, yet as beautiful as an electrical storm. There’s a dangerous beauty that encircles everything like a black widow. She’s gorgeous, but deadly to the touch. Lightning may strike down one of the tallest trees known to man, but if you watch it flash through the raindrops, they look like slivers of crystal and tiny glitter pebbles. And, although the thunder is loud and often scary, the pitter-patter of the drip could probably put you right to sleep if you let it.
That’s exactly what I was content to let happen as I stretched out lazily on my canopy bed and rolled on to my stomach. Suppressing a yawn, I buried my hands in the thick mop of curls that fell over my face and piled them over my head, using my arms as an extra pillow. After shifting uncomfortably for several minutes, I settled on my side with my arms wrapped around one of my large black teddy bears. Slowly, I closed my eyes and let the drum of the storm lull me into a reverie.
“Kirsten, get out here!” I sat bolt up in bed at the loud knocking on my door.
“Wrong room!” I shout back toward the hall at our new housekeeper, Ms. Chenra. The knocking stops and it’s then I hear it, just faintly, but loud enough to distinguish from the splat of the rain, which seems to be starting up again. A sob carries lowly over the howling wind and turns it into a mournful cry. I feel dazed as I push my bare feet into the thick plush rug and sink gently. I stumble groggily to my dresser and pulled a pair of flannel black pajama pants from the third aspen drawer. I shiver slightly with a dark feeling of foreboding as I take a deep breath and tiptoe through my door and down the hall. It’s quiet as I rush to the other end of the large house.
What's this missing? Lots of details, like why in the hell the MC gets out of bed, and why it's so quiet if there are definitly two other people in the house, not to mention whoever, or whatever, is making the noise. I don't even have a name here (not that it's really important, since I have a full piece with no names for the two MCs.) or a description of her. Oh what work to do. . .comment please. Kat
That’s exactly what I was content to let happen as I stretched out lazily on my canopy bed and rolled on to my stomach. Suppressing a yawn, I buried my hands in the thick mop of curls that fell over my face and piled them over my head, using my arms as an extra pillow. After shifting uncomfortably for several minutes, I settled on my side with my arms wrapped around one of my large black teddy bears. Slowly, I closed my eyes and let the drum of the storm lull me into a reverie.
“Kirsten, get out here!” I sat bolt up in bed at the loud knocking on my door.
“Wrong room!” I shout back toward the hall at our new housekeeper, Ms. Chenra. The knocking stops and it’s then I hear it, just faintly, but loud enough to distinguish from the splat of the rain, which seems to be starting up again. A sob carries lowly over the howling wind and turns it into a mournful cry. I feel dazed as I push my bare feet into the thick plush rug and sink gently. I stumble groggily to my dresser and pulled a pair of flannel black pajama pants from the third aspen drawer. I shiver slightly with a dark feeling of foreboding as I take a deep breath and tiptoe through my door and down the hall. It’s quiet as I rush to the other end of the large house.
What's this missing? Lots of details, like why in the hell the MC gets out of bed, and why it's so quiet if there are definitly two other people in the house, not to mention whoever, or whatever, is making the noise. I don't even have a name here (not that it's really important, since I have a full piece with no names for the two MCs.) or a description of her. Oh what work to do. . .comment please. Kat
posted by weyrdkat | 11:03 PM
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